Back Porch Sittin'

The Old Man and I sat on the back porch watching the sun set over the Rockies and drinking Miller High Life cans. His hand found mine - the touch of his skin always goes deep - and we talked about how this crazy family schedule wouldn't have to last forever. The sprinkler rhythm was low and sweet and it smelled like Russian Sage and fresh cut grass.

"I'm sorry I'm so fat and emotional," I said.

The Old Man smacked a mosquito on his neck. "You're not fat," he said.

Back to Work: 10 Tips for New Moms

You're a new mom, with a baby in daycare and a full-time job. Here are 10 tips for a smooth transition back to work:

1. Wherever you are, be there mentally. If you're at work, don't freak out if you haven't thought of your baby for 3 hours. If you're at home, don't dwell on work.
2. If you're still breastfeeding, take time to pump to keep up your milk supply. The law says you can. Don't let bosses or coworkers make you feel guilty for doing so. A hands-free pumping bra makes the time pass quickly.
3. There are no studies that show wheat beer increases milk supply. Oatmeal increases milk supply. But that's no reason you can't have a beer every once in a while to relax.
4. Take time to be with your baby when you get home. You need each other.
5. When your baby gets sick for the first time, your vacation and sick time will be depleted from maternity leave. Take a deep breath when your husband, rolling in accrued sick leave, doesn't understand that it is now his responsibility to take the baby to the doctor.
6. Don't be surprised if your boss or coworkers expect less of you now that you're a mom. Prove them wrong.
7. When your husband pouts and feels sorry for himself because he has to wake up at 5 A.M. to hold the baby while you get ready for work, try to suppress your urge to kick him in the shins. Don't worry, you probably won't be able to beat him up too bad because you're exhausted from the midnight and 3:30 AM marathon nighttime feedings.
8. Try to reach back into the recesses of your sleep-deprived brain and give your husband a break. This new baby stuff is a huge strain on relationships. He's a good guy and has a full-time job too. Wait until the baby is asleep and you are both calm to talk over any problems. Give each other the benefit of the doubt.
9. Take heart. This exhausted zombie kind of life doesn't last forever. Only for about a year. Until your next kid.
10. For Christ's sake, stop feeling guilty. If you must leave your baby in daycare, if you stop breastfeeding, if you can't make spectacular dinners anymore, if you're at your desk and all of a sudden your mind goes blank - feeling guilty about it doesn't do any good.

I think all moms are different, all families are different, all babies are different. If someone tells you there's a handbook, she's lying. I'd be interested to hear other tips from moms and dads...things that have worked for you.

Moments

There's a scary seldom-mentioned feeling in our family that my father will have another heart attack, one that he won't survive.

My father, dressed in his plaid button-down shirt on a Friday night, held my daughter. Past her bedtime, and past his. In the soft light of the living room lamp, they smiled at each other. The same calloused hands that held me as I grew up were wrapped around her cotton pink blanket. Her small body swam in the comfort of his arms.

"I've got to be around to see her grow up," he said.

My Poem on A Handful of Stones Blog

Check out "Janis Joplin Lulluaby" on A Handful of Stones blog. I wrote this about six weeks ago when Baby Girl was at her muy fussy stage and we'd spend an hour and a half trying to put her to bed. I'm not the singing type but I do know one song.

http://www.ahandfulofstones.com/2010/07/janis-joplin-lullaby.html

Melancholy, Where Are You?

I suspect that I am deliriously happy, which, as any writer knows, is a death sentence for creativity. I'm lucky I dreamed up a severed toe a while ago, but for now I'm just contented.

As any woman who has endured unspeakable pain giving birth to two children knows, it is excruciatingly difficult to be sympathetic to her husband who has just gotten a vasectomy. I am so contented that I did not remind The Old Man that if he thinks getting snipped is bad, he could never handle what I've been through.

I've managed to keep the kids happy and the house running smoothly while he's laid up watching Sports Center. Baby Girl is 10 weeks old and on a sleep schedule. Things are going so well that I can't even summon angst when she pukes on me.

So, I apologize for my lack of posts. Maybe I'll try something crazy and write about happy stuff.